Well, it's really hard for me to describe this.... But I'll try. Basically, I've been playing PW a lot. Way more now that school's been out. A lot has happend, and recently a very sad thing. I't's a long story, and I'll try to explain everything.

First off from lvl 30 or so to around lvl 75, I was in a faction called "Mysticals". I found many friends there - the best friends I have in the game, I've found there. The faction broke off when the leader when nuts and made a lot of people angry. I left, as well as my neighbor friend - Shinxu, and the girl I eventually liked (I won't name her name....). All three of us left at the same time. I got into a faction called "Triad" it was a very good faction. The girl that I eventually liked, at the time liked someone else. So anyways, she went to a faction called "Enlighten", as well as Daz (the guy who liked her, and she liked), and Shinxu went as well.

As time progressed, me and the girl I liked began to talk a lot. She's a cleric, and is able to heal me while I kill lots of mobs, so we started AoE grinding on mobs. It was fun. She began to dislike her faction, and when 2 good friends of her's and mine moved to a faction called "UnderOath", she moved to that faction as well. I was told that the reason all 3 of them went to that faction (it was a really low lvl faction), was so they could all lvl to about 80, and head to the faction called "Radiance". I've always been a big fan of Rad myself. Basically, what began to happen was I began to really like her. Over time, we would AoE & chat on Skype with eachother daily for hours. It was the most fun I've ever had in PW. We played truth or dare, and a bunch of little games like that, to pass the time while we AoE grinded.

Time moved, and I really began to like her. You know.... It might be the fact that I've never had a girlfriend before.... Never even kissed a girl (All I do is sit on the computer 24/7, lol). I told her I've had a girlfriend before and whatnot doing a truth or dare game, but I lied.... I mean, how foolish would I look if I told her I'm 18, singe, never had a girlfriend before, and never even kissed a girl? I would look absolutly foolish. Anyways, as I began to really like her, I moved to UnderOath, and left Triad. I was always under the impression that UnderOath was a "temp" faction, and that the girl I liked, me, and the two other friends, would all move to Radiance at lvl 80. I was ahead of the game, and could have been accepted in radiance anytime i wanted. But I couldn't leave. I mean, I would look totally fail if I liked the girl, grinded with her & chatted on Skype a lot, but wasn't in the same faction. I'd miss out on so much fun, ya know?

So, when I moved to the faction , it was great. I was the highest lvl, but as long as I was with the girl I liked, I was happy. Nothing at that point could have made me sad. Everything was perfect. Everything was just perfect.... Soon things took a turn for the "odd". You see, a lot of her & my friend's went to Radiance, and therefore one day she confronted me. She told me she planned to go back to Mysticals with one of the two friends that were on UnderOath, and would be there for a undefinite amount of time. You know, when you really like someone.... You DON'T leave there side. I told her instantly, that I don't care where she went, as long as I could be there as well. Well, the next thing that happened is in my opinion where our relationship broke.

She was "Marshall" of UnderOath, and Marshalls are a high position in a faction. One day, of no where... She demoted her self. I was in shock.... Scared, and worried. Really wondered what was going on. I talked to her, and she said she did it "Because I can". Even though I was scared on what was going on, as long as she would stay or inform me, I knew all would be okay.... The next part is the first "blow" to me. All of the sudden, she left the faction. Everyone was like "Trem, you should know why.... After all, you both like eachother"..... I had no idea. I asked her and she basically said to go to stay in UnderOath, not to follow her, and that she would come back to UnderOath when she hit lvl 80. She was lvl 78 at the time. This was the first offical blow to me. It hurt badly. This is where she stopped basically most communication. I mean.... It can be qualified as "ditching me", or "leaving me in the dust". I went to UnderOath to be with her, and she wasn't there.... Ya know, that hurt pretty bad. I really liked her. I mean, she doesn't know this and probably never will, but I was planning to propose to her in-game in 3 weeks if everything would have went smoothly.

But ya know, I thought it wouldn't be the end of the world. I would go to Radiance, and I could still AoE and talk with her right? Wrong! I went to Radiance because I felt utterly betrayed. During this whole thing, the biggest problem I saw was she liked me, and she liked Daz, and she couldn't figure out who she liked better. Anyways, I went to Rad, and asked some friends what I should do. I didn't want to loose her or anything, so what a friend told me to do was talk it out with her. I talked to her, and found the reason she left was because she liked Daz, liked me, and couldn't choose. I told her I'd give her has much space and time as she needed.

I don't know where it went wrong. I basically gave my heart out, and had it shatted into pieces. I gave her space, and all I got was 1 1/2 weeks of no talking.... No communication, no AoE, no Skype. I kept having to wonder "Me or Daz? Who is she gonna choose?". I kept getting whispers from a friend saying "Hi". I'd say "Hi" back, and he'd say I'm AoEing with her right now. Or he'd say Hi, then say he's been AoEing with her daily. You know, I'm not a jealous guy, but.... Okay, a friend only says hi to say he's AoEing with the person he knows I like.... Kinda weird? In my opinion he was possibly doing to do get me angry or feel jealous. I also had heard the night before I had the "Horrible day", (I'll explain that soon), I heard she had went to a faction with Daz, and a few of our old friends. I talked to Daz, and he said he got on her fb79.... I was originally invited to go on her fb79. As I am a high lvl tank, and we were really close, I thought I'd be going. I whispered her when she hit lvl 79 after a few days, and she said.... OMG, i'm so sorry. You know, I can forgive and forget. But how in this case? I would have been able to but she invited Daz. To this day, I truelly believe she didn't take me on purpose, so she wouldn't have to see me. Idk why, but all of all this stuff made me sooooooooooooo sad. I could really only hold out 1 1/2 weeks, and during that time, I was extremely depressed.

The reason I was depressed was, all I wanted to do is talk to her, AoE, Skype, ya know? I thought I must have done something horrible. I didn't wan't to talk to her, because I was giving her space, and she rarely talked to me. I got very depressed, and people started noticing it. People would say "Hi", and I'd say "Hi". Then they would say "What's up?", and I would say "Nothing".... That would end the convorsation. Before, I was very hyper and a happy person. I'd get up, do my dalies, say Hi to the girl I liked, solo grind for a bit, later in the day I'd AoE with her and talk to her on Skype..... Well at this time, all I would do is.... Get up, do dalies, and grind on mobs all day. It was terrible. I just kept getting more and more depressed. It finally became clear to me when I couldn't sleep for more than 15 minutes, that I was going to have to tell her.

When I talked to her, I was very tired, and really outta my mind. I said some really bad things. I told her the excuses she kept giving me was crap, and that she should go be with Daz, as that's what it looked like she wanted. God.... I felt so bad. I told her it was over, and said goodbye. I felt sooooooooooooo bad. Instantly, I cried. I couldn't eat, felt like I was gonna throw up. You see, I really liked her. The thing that really broke the realtionship was the lack of communication. We wouldn't talk. I was to afraid to talk to her - if I did, I might hurt her for somethin'. So, I had no idea she didn't like Daz anymore.... I found this out by maybe an hour later, saying I was sorry and all. I logged out, and went to my grandparents house. When I got there, I logged on, and saw she was offline. I thought, maybe she just logged off. But when she was offline for a long time, I asked a friend to see if she was online.... She was. So that ment either she deleted me from her friend list, or blacklisted me.

I thought she had blacklisted me.... Time progressed though the day, and I felt so bad. I couldn't resist... Needed to beg me to forgive me, and add me back (she took me off facebook, and Skype). I sent her mail thinking she had blacklisted me, but later found out she didn't. So, once I found out I could whisper her, I did. I begged for forgivness.... She said she forgave me. I asked her if she could take me back... She said she just wanted to be friends.

I really don't know what to say.... I put my heart out there, and really really liked her. I don't know what started all of this. I don't know if it was me, or her, or both of us. I feel as though it's me. I don't know what I did, but I feel it was me. I know where it all started - when she left UnderOath. That's when we stopped most communication, AoEing, Skype, and all that. I don't know what happend. All I can really do is try and get over her. I can try my best. If i didn't have my friends, I'm sure I would have quit the game by now. They really have helped. I suppose the only thing I can do is give my heart time to heal, and maybe I'll find someone else to love me, spend time with me, and someone I can talk to.

She said she just wanted to be "friends"...... I think of it as "Mutal friends". With everything that' happened, AoEing, and Skype isn't possible. I see her or hear her, I'll tear up inside. "Friends" in my opinion are people who I can talk to, people that can help me and I can help them..... I can't talk to her. I'm afraid to.If I talk to her, maybe she'll just take me off her friendlist, or never speak to me again. As I type this, I'm already getting over this. Yesterday was much better. Today is even better. Day by day, I feel better, and not so crappy. *Sigh*, I really do feel fail. Was it me? Was it her? What did it in? Can we really be "friends"?

.....


So many questions

Okay, yeah... I know I haven't made any posts for a very long time. I do however have reasons... Life, video games, forgetfulness, and just overall no time. Back in the day, this is all I would think about. But nowadays, Xanga is the last thing on my mind. I still am actively uploading media for BlankEvo.com, and Animadness.net V6 is still underway. I play a new MMORPG called "Perfect World". It's basically WoW, but free. I'm a lvl 53 Barb (full-fleged power baby, rofl). My grandparents finally got hi-speed internet, and it goes perfect with their sterioid-pumped up computer. My dad got in contact w/ me, and for a while we hanged out on a weekly basis. He bought be a mini-laptop called a Netbook MSI. I use that to play Perfect World over at my neighbors house, as well as just a total normal laptop use(s).

School sucks as always. I'm getting really good grades this year though. Basically all "A"s except my math grade which is "D". I barely passed. Life sucks, eh? I always barely pass math, which seriously sucks.

Anywayz, cya around... Hopefully I'll have another post ASAP. Never know though. Could be in a while, like it always happens.

Well, it’s been another “almost” week, since my last Xanga post, and I’m not too delighted to know that. But, I’ve been quite preoccupied with other matters. Firstly, I’ve been on my school break. I have yesterday (Thanksgiving), off, today off, tomorrow off, and Sunday off. In this break, I’ve so far only had Thanksgiving and part of today. Thanksgiving was great. Great foods, and great family chit-chat. Thanksgiving is one of the only times (often the only time), where I get to see certain family members. Some years it’s nobody from my family besides people I see on a weekly basis, but years like this one, I see people I rarely ever see.

I’ve also been busy getting a shit-load of updates ready to unload on TWF tonight. I’ve got TONS to do, and am pumped to do them. These updates would make today be considered this month’s “Major Update Day”, here is a long list of hefty updates… Oddly enough, I pulled off a number of updates last week. However, those updates I did last week are totally separate and smaller than what I’ll be doing today. I’ve even gone as far as to make a pod cast for TWF’s pod cast section (I think it’s #10, lol).

Other than that,  it’s been pretty much the usual. I’m the #1 poster on Blankent.com, and gotta make a news post later today. Since I know that I’ve been downloading a bit to much this month (loads of games, programs, series, manga, movies… Whatnot), I’ve started going back to playing some good ol’ rpgs and mmorpgs. Here’s what I’ve een playing, and what level I’m at:
-Battleon (AdventureQuest) - Level 65
-Maple Story - Level 20
-Tales Of Pirates - Level 31

I’ve been tempted to try and play Runescape & Mechquest again, as I hear they’ve had dramatic updates. Runescape has gone 3D/HD, and Mechquest is finally out of that beta stage that I played it in… I played Mechquest 2 days after it came out, and played it for a week in all. Sadly, I got to level 13 or so, but the level cap was only 15, so I decided to give up for now.

So, within’ the next few weeks, or even months, instead of going totally nuts on downloading, I’ll be hopefully playing games. I’ve played Battleon all day today, and ¾ of yesterday. Granite I’m not proud of that fact, but it keeps me entertained and out of the way of downloading. So, my Christmas list has once again changed:
1.) MP3 Player (Plays music and videos) - $50
2.) Clothes - Whatever money’s left for my mom to buy stuff for me for Christmas
3.) 500GB external HD - $80
4.) Money - Whatever’s left that my grandparents could pay me for Christmas

Since my birthday comes the 3rd of February, I’ve been hard at work trying to figure out exactly what I want. Here’s some of my ideas:
-Anime DVDs (To be more specific, anime dvds that you can’t download on the net. Shows that can’t be downloaded on the net.)
-Light-up keyboard (Not 100% sure on this yet, but it’s a keyboard that lights up 3 different colors. I have plenty of keyboards, but the ones I’m using for my own computer(s), lack in content… If you know what I mean.)
-Money (This is just another option. I could just ask for money, that way I’d be able to save it up and eventually get a Wii - something that I’ve been wanting for quite some time. I’d probably get around $120 in total, and add that to probably $30 Christmas money, and my total $40 allowance money by then, and you get a grand total of $190... That’s enough to get the Wii… Just the Wii, and no games, but I could get games afterwords you know.)

So, these are just some ideas for my Birthday list. I think atleast one will be chosen, as those are the basic things that I will want. Laterz!